It's Tuesday again, which means I get to throw another snit fit. Today's Tuesday Tantrum is all about the Query.
Even the word alone is enough to strike fear in the hearts of the bravest authors. Myself included. Otherwise, why lurk around the shadows of agent blogs, seeking some tidbit of inside info that will pave the golden path to instant full manuscript requests? Yes, yes -- I know. Agents are like the key to the executive washroom when you really, really have to pee. Sure, I could dash down three flights of stairs and find a semi-private corner on the street. Not the same, is it? No comparison: marble floors, shiny stainless steel sinks, plush towels -- vs. cement sidewalk with my butt hanging out. Not a pretty picture.
So, you want to get published by the big time boys, you gotta have an agent who knows the secret handshake. And to get that agent, you must Query. More than that, you must now devote the better part of your waking hours to researching agents, what they like (dark chocolate or salt covered caramels), which phase of the moon to send your email so as to have the best possible chance of actually getting beyond the recipient's delete key, and drafting (um, make that revising for the millionth time) that anxiety-inducing Query.
All of which renders your ability to actually write anything new during those measly hours between sunrise and sunset as likely as getting struck by lightening while holding the winning ticket to Megaball in your fried little hand.
Sympathizing with my plight is the crazy successful Tahereh. Her blog about The 5 Signs That Say You Must be Querying had me in stitches. Badly needed stitches. Thanks Tahereh!